If you were to strike up a conversation amongst friends or start a discussion thread on Facebook about male sexuality versus female sexuality and which is more complicated, what do you imagine the consensus would be?
It’s easy enough to know where social science and society in general stands on the matter. Just do a Google Search.
You’ll find titles like these:
- Why is female sexuality more complex than males’?
- Why the female orgasm is so complicated?
- Female sexuality may be even more complex than we realized
- Study: Female desire more complicated
- Why Women Are So Complicated
- Why Women’s Sex Drive Is More Complicated Than Men’s
- Sexual Satisfaction in Older Women: It’s Complicated
These headlines bring up for me a picture that floats out there in the common imagination as if women were like a complicated switchboard while men were like a simple button.
And if we were going on personal anecdotes alone, my own, and those of my female friends and community around me, I’m pretty sure we’d arrive too at that same conclusion.
Even Masters and Johnson, the pioneering American sex researchers from the 1960s were known to have struggled to understand the anomalies and put forth a theory that could adequately encompass the variety of experiences among their female research participants.
Whether we’re aware of it or not, Masters and Johnson’s 4-step model of “The Human Sexual Response Cycle” shaped our culture’s “sexpectations,” as it were, about how men and women’s sexual responses are “supposed” to work. The problem, which female sexologists (e.g. Whipple, Brash-McGreer, and Basson) have been pointing out in their research findings since the 1990s, is that while this linear model reflects most men’s experiences, it doesn’t reflect most women’s (More on that in a future article!). The upshot here is that everyone, men and women included, end up perceiving female sexuality as a “less reliable” and “more complicated” version of male sexuality.
So what if this “confusion” about women’s sexuality were actually a symptom of patriarchal oppression at work?
What if the standard cliché of female sexuality as more “complicated” than men’s were simply a narrative that got created (probably since the 1960s with the sexual revolution and the women’s movement) that kept women confused and disconnected from it?
Since the point of the Patriarchal (or “Power-Over”) Era, from these last 5000 years, was to obliterate any trace of feminine power on the planet, and the most powerful means to accomplish that was total control and suppression of women’s sexuality, it makes sense that having a constant state of confusion over female sexuality, not to mention a bone-deep cultural programming of guilt, fear, and shame around it, would serve as a way to keep women disconnected from this source of immense power.
From where I stand today, after my 20 years of experience and passionate inquiry into “What truly, authentically fulfills me sexually as a women?”, here’s what I know:
Once you have the awareness, understanding and knowledge of your basic sexual energy template, your sexuality as a woman becomes very simple.
Why it’s important to talk about “sexual energy templates” is that there is more than just one of them. In order to understand your sexuality fully and what leads to your greatest sexual pleasure and fulfillment, it’s important to know which one you’re operating with.
Just like there’s two forces that make up all of existence, Yin and Yang, Shiva and Shakti, God and Goddess, there are two basic sexual energy templates. I call them “Lunar” and “Solar.
This may take a little while to explain, because the concept I’m describing is so new. But the phenomenon I’m describing isn’t. You know all of this already in your body, intuitively.
To introduce “Lunar” and “Solar” sexual energy templates to you, we are going to start with a little quiz.
Ths is a simple 3-question quiz that will help you to identify which basic sexual energy template you have.
Here we go…
1. Which is more true for you, A or B?
A. I’m most open emotionally once I’m feeling fulfilled sexually
B. I’m most open sexually once I’m feeling fulfilled emotionally
2. If you had to choose one approach to how your lover touches your body during intimate times, for the rest of your life, which would it be?
A. To have my lover stimulate the center of my body first (my genitals), and then move out toward the periphery of my body to my head, hands, and/or feet, last.
B. To have my lover stimulate the periphery of my body first (head, hands, feet) and then move in toward the center of my body to my genitals, last.
3. Which is more true for you, A or B?
A. My sexualily is spectacular! It ignites suddenly and burns hot and fast
B. My sexuality is smoldering! It kindles gradually to a slow, steady burn
And here’s a bonus question…
4. Which is more true for you, A or B?
A. I always know I have the desire for sex before I’m having sex
B. I sometimes don’t know I have the desire for sex until I’m having sex
If your answers were all “A” or mostly “A,” then your basic sexual energy template is Solar and if your answers were all “B” or mostly “B” then your basic sexual energy template is Lunar.
It’s also possible to have a combined template. So, consider these four possiblities:
- Lunar-Lunar (Lunar all the way)
- Lunar-Solar (Lunar with Solar characteristics)
- Solar-Lunar (Solar with Lunar characteristics)
- Solar-Solar (Solar all the way)
How do you know which combo type you are? Your answer to question #2 determines your core energetic. Then, depending upon how you responded to the other questions, your core energetic will either be reinforced by the same one or colored by the opposite energy.
In Part II of this article, I will share with you what this all means and the significance it has for you for your sexual love life and intimate relationship.
Until Then Dear One, for Goddess’s Sake, Enjoy!